I wish I had known
you better when
I was very young

I wish I had gotten
to spend more time
with you when I
was a little girl

I wish I had learned
more about you
over the years

I wish you had
been more a part
of my children’s

I wish there was
more time to spend
with you now

One wish came true
in that you loved
me and I loved you



Out of the blue
shock to the system
here then gone
unexpected losing you

Phone call
just the other day
all seemed fine
unsure what to say

Christmas card
received this week
written by you
can hardly speak

Long life
still it hurts
to let you go

Here no more
in a blink
gone from me


This talk of splendor in the grass
glory in the flower
grieving not
joy in what remains

so long have I waited
to allow it to be so
finally to let go
but joy I do not know

Grieving not
have I mastered
regret is not
part of me

Joy in what remains
in the life that is
or in the memory of what was
there is no joy in what was

Certainly there was not
splendor in the grass
nor glory in the flower
no joy in what remains


Always in my dreams
reminder of the past
seems so real even now

Waking me from sleep
feeling out of sorts
not understanding

Sometimes even when awake
creeping in around the edges
a shadow and a dream

Unable to forget
always coming back
still here


dead endAll the hard work now no way to bend
listening to the words they say
come now it is the end

No matter the pleas I send
there is nothing at end of day
Come now it is the end

Thought three lives I could blend
now there seems no way
All the hard work no way to bend

Time no more to lend
all in unison speaking nay
come now it is the end

Now my sorrow I tend
no keeping the sadness at bay
all the hard work no way to bend

Not knowing how I will fend
all that is left perhaps to pray
come now it is the end
all the hard work no way to bend


There are doors in life that should never be opened
and doors that you wish you had
there are doors that take you to the wrong places
and doors that only make you sad

There are doors in life that are unanswered questions
never having been explored
and doors that let you learn and grow
and those that leave you bored

There are doors in life you’re too scared to open
for fear that you will fail to walk through
and those that steal away pieces of your soul
in ways you never knew

There are doors that lead to both good and bad
and those that lead to nowhere at all
doors that change your life and those that make you pay
and then some are just a bathroom stall


All the things you lost because of what you’ve done

all you could have had and now you’re left with none

time and time again offered everything you dreamed

only to find that you were nothing that you seemed


Could have had it all but lost everything with your lies

cannot get it back no matter how many tries

forever lost all that you worked for so long

now you’re at the bottom where you truly belong


All of it could have been yours if only you were true

success unlike anything you knew

just waiting there for you to take

and all that you have lost with just the one mistake


Now you are so much less than you could have been

and nothing that you wanted will ever come again

lost it all no one’s fault but your own it’s true

no one else to blame for there is only you


All the while I thought I had put it all away

the memories of what was left as they lay

with just one look there they came rushing back again

taking my heart back to remember when

So hard I’ve tried to push away at the edges of my soul

slowly piecing back together the parts to make a whole

and rushing back now overwhelmed unable to make them stop

like raindrops of memory drop by drop by drop

Like a river it overtakes me and I can no longer breathe it seems

invading every thought awake even into my dreams

things I thought were long since gone are back just as real

if I could only find a way to no longer feel

Rushing waters of memory wash over my soul as waves upon the sand

battering on every emotion so hard now just to stand

slowly I push back until the water I no longer feel

left once again to wonder what was and wasn’t real


Here at the center of my world was where you once did reside

in my heart and soul the place you did abide

there was only you no one else the center of my space

now there’s just an empty whole that once was your place

Once the center of my everything I needed nothing more

where no one else had dared to tread before

let you in until there was nothing left of me

but you were only using and I was too blind to see

The very center of me and all that I held dear

my only thought was how to always keep you near

but you were only lying with every breath I took

with every word, every motion, every single look

Now that center left laid waste is filled with someone new

someone who truly loves me not a pretender like you

they give me everything you never did with love and all that’s real

and now at my center once again I truly feel


So many people want so many things they look right past what’s already there

things that they want too much and never get bypassing everything in front of them

pushing and pushing for things that will never be a reality in their lives

while letting the things they already have slip through their fingers

It’s always the grass is greener or if I only had this or that life would be perfect

but they fail to realize their life is already the best it can be

they walk right past the people who love them most

and try to find someone better someone they want more

They run right by all the things staring them in the face trying to find that elusive something else

and they inevitably end up without the things they thought they wanted and losing all that they had

you can only bypass the ones who care for you most for so long before they let go

and in the end it is you who is less by wanting something you had all along